I realised I haven't posted up pictures of a couple of friends I took pictures with, and they're backlogged! Went over to Su-Ann's house a long time back - supposed to drink wine but the plan screwed up. -.- Anyway this is my friend with the tattoo sleeves (and legs and back and butt...) and pixie ears:
And this is Su-Ann's dog, Miko!!!:
She is so fat! LOL. Me and Miko!:
She was bundled up in the comforter like that:
Good life or what! So rolly-polly. =) Also had dinner with Amanda, after so long of not meeting up with her!:
I remember something really funny happened on that day. Just a teeny little pick-me-up I gave myself, that couple of hours I took off from all that stress of taking care of Gucci when he was sick. Oh well, inside joke. HEEHAWWWW.
Hopped around town with Chrishirl a few weeks back. Let me tell you this girl is fucking crazy - worse than me!:
Looking forward to my Batam resort trip with this nutcase. LOL.
Alsoooo, last but not least - the boyfriend! He brought me to ride bumper cars because I wanted to ride them sooooo fucking badly!!! It's my favourite ride of ALL rides. =D Buying tokens!:
2 tokens = $6 = 1 ride:
I had a few minutes of fun with that one, just recklessly driving and not caring, crashing into A's car on purpose and laughing my head off. I think I needed those laughs, after all that happened with Gucci and all. Doesn't cure the pain or the grief, but wouldn't hurt either right?? Too bad Singapore doesn't have permanent bumper car rides 24/7.
Me and A by the carousel, something I'd NEVER take because I cannot stand spinning rides:
If you're wondering, YES, my boyfriend has cut his gorgeous long hair. The hair that made me notice him that fateful day... =( LoL. He recently started an office day job that needed him to look "prim and proper", more office-like. Haha, I think my heart ached as much as his did. But it's okay, 'cos you know why? New hair, new him, fresh start. In other words, I have the new him all to myself, in NO relation to anyone in the PAST anymore. =) Still getting used to the new hair though!!!! Still as handsome... HEHEHE. What I thought was funny was the fact that he asked me, "Will you still love me after I cut my hair?" HAHAHA. My answer was of course, a straight and resounding "YES", durrhhh. How silly. I'd love you no matter what, darling boyfriend. ;)
Last but not least, we dropped by The Wine Connection again! I think I can stop counting how many times we've been there. HA. It's worth going back each and every single time because they have SUCH GOOD FOOD. Camwhoring a little before I left the house, LOL! (My flutter-sleeve dress is from Love Bonito!):
I had crab meat pasta this time round!:
Our wine:
Me and boyfriend:
My wine-stained lips! Aha!!!:
I think I've tried every pasta on their menu now, besides the duck and the squid-ink (yuck). They have different menus at different branches, but my favourite one is at Robertson Quay. Looking forward to the next visit! X)
Just a quick one. I don't have much to blog about because from the time Gucci fell sick and subsequently passed on until now, I haven't really been out of the house. Well, I have been called OUT by a bunch of kids, if that counts. But I'm going to save my breath and just get on with it, because it's not like they haven't wasted enough of my time already - both for something they started, and they're also the same people who're yelling to stop. *rolls eyes*
Forgot to mention I tried out the shatter-nail effect at Milly's on my last visit (quite some time back):
I chose the gold base 'cos they only had black or white shatter-nail polish available at that point in time. Well, I like it. The process is fast and the result is pretty. The perfect option if you're rushing for time (just like me that particular day) yet you still want to look good. =)
Call 8383 5395 for an appointment with Milly's. They're located at Far East Plaza II #03-129 and Bugis Village #3, 4 & 5.
Moving on, I don't wanna talk about Gucci much anymore... If I really want to, I can speak until the cows come home but there are just too many things about him to mention and I don't wanna dig it all up again to upset myself. I don't know if "rest assured" is the correct phrase to use, but yeah, rest assured that I do think about him every single minute of every day. I still cry in the silence of my room, still talk to him like he's there. I've set up a little space on my desk for his urn and a picture frame, and I went to Daiso the other day to buy a simple vase for a stalk of flower that I plan to change every week, as a form of remembering him like I do so everyday in my heart. No fake flowers for me, because fake flowers just reek of "I-cannot-be-bothered". I don't want to go according to flower language when I decide on a new flower each week... If I want to put a blood-red rose, I'd put a blood-red rose. But for this first time, I was thinking of a white gerbera or white lily. Instead of feeling like it's a funeral of sorts, I'd rather take it as pure. Gucci was pure, wasn't he? Because just like all dogs, he loved me purely and unconditionally. I have mixed feelings about all the photos I took of him over the years... Because just as much as they serve as a memory of all the times I had with him, right now it only reminds me painfully that he's gone and he's never coming back. I'm not brave enough to look at his pictures, and I don't know if I ever will get to that stage where I will look at them without bursting into tears and sinking into this dark abyss for the rest of the day. Well, it's been exactly 2 weeks now. On the first week after he passed away, my mum bought incense paper and joss sticks, along with a packet of rawhides and a bowl of water. She made me go downstairs to give up these offerings because the Chinese believe in reincarnation. I refuse to comment on these beliefs but all I can say is, he's gone now. And nothing I do will bring him back, so if my mum thinks I should do this or that, it wouldn't hurt me to go along with it because whether I do or not, he's STILL not gonna come back, you know? Funny how I thought I will eventually forget how he feels like to the touch, how he smells like, etc. But no, I still remember it very clearly like it was yesterday, just as clearly as I remember every second of his last moments. It's a nightmare. Imagine when I die at like 85 or something, and I go up there and ask God after more than 60 years, "I had a dog when I was 12... Is he with you? Can I see him now?" I just know I will ask that of God, because I will NEVER forget Gucci. In fact, like I said before, it's all I want to ask for. My dog. I wanna see him so badly RIGHT NOW, so much so that believing I'd see him at the rainbow bridge when the time comes, serves as little comfort. Yes, I'm still grieving badly. I don't think the grief will ever, EVER go away. But then the sun rises and sets all the same, the moon takes its place and the world keeps spinning. Life doesn't just stop for me because Gucci left. Time doesn't stop. I have to move with it, but it's a constant struggle. When is it ever fair, right? It's never fair.
Just for the record, asking me to get another dog is like an insult. I was struggling so badly to support Gucci previously, and I'm not proud to say he had to compromise on so many things. I will never understand why my parents got him for me when I was 12 and still receiving pocket money from them, but yet they refused to support him for me when I couldn't because I was a kid. We both suffered, but I didn't think he deserved it. I don't think any dog deserves to suffer, and if I am not capable of taking care of another one fully, then I'd rather not take on the responsibility. No more adoptions, no more fostering. Why should I let another dog suffer when Gucci has already suffered enough? It doesn't make sense. I'd stick to hanging out with my friends' dogs, thank you very much. For one thing, there's less heartache to deal with. And for another, I'm not THAT stupid to get another dog and let my family throw the responsibilities to me a second time round. I feel so angry at everything just thinking about it. And there you go, another reason why I don't wanna talk about Gucci anymore.
Will blog again I-don't-know-when. I'd be seeing Avril Lavigne up-close and personal in.......... 15 days. So maybe till then?
Almost 2 weeks. 13 days. 312 hours. How many vet visits has it been again? I cannot remember. People say there's a time for everything. Somehow they left out the part that "everything" includes death. There is a time for death, and I know, when the death monster comes to claim my furkid, there is nothing I can do. I am not stupid, you know. I know a lot of things that people tell me. They tell me I have to be strong, that death is everywhere and it happens all the time. They tell me Gucci will be sad if he senses I am sad, and that I have to be positive for him. You see, I don't need to remember these things that people tell me because I know them in the first place. But that doesn't make it any easier, does it. No it doesn't. It doesn't make it easy that I am a stubborn one, and it doesn't make losing him any better. How can losing my dog be good??
That day, the vet told me Gucci is lucky to have me. It's not the first time I've heard something like that, but I know I'm even luckier to have him. EVERY SINGLE FRIEND of mine out there knows how much I love dogs in general, and it is no surprise that I would love my own, way more. Funny how he used to belong to someone else who promised to love him forever but yet she didn't manage to keep her promise, and me? I only paid $100 and that was it, I could call him my very own for 12 years and more. And never have I regretted a single second of it. Sometimes I think of how my life would be if I hadn't bought Gucci. Because we're both so attached to each other, there are so many things I cannot do. I cannot stay out late and if I do, I make sure I tend to him first. I cannot take long holidays. I cannot try out for SQ. I cannot do a lot of things. And then I think of the times he made me laugh, and it all seems worth it.
This was taken a few days after his bout of bloody diarrhea, when he was waiting by the table while my mum and grandma ate their dinner:
I thought he seemed fine already, and that familiar bright-eyed look was almost coming back to him. But I don't know why, now he's deteriorated once more. He dehydrates very fast, and the water hump that the vet gives him dissolves so rapidly. I feed him every 4 hours, and syringe water for him every hour. Even in the dead of the night, I wake up and fetch him to the toilet and syringe even more water for him. I'm just so scared he'd dehydrate to death. It's like his kidneys are trying to say they cannot hold on much longer. I cannot remember the last time I slept properly without waking up every other hour, my head is heavy all the time yet I can't sleep. Yesterday, I perspired so much cold sweat in my sleep that I drenched my shirt. Reason unknown. I just brought Gucci to the vet again this morning for a drip, and the vet told me, "Sometimes when they're old, you gotta understand you can't help much. He's not responding to the treatments as much as I would have liked. You got to mentally prepare yourself for these things." And then he proceeded to tell me about someone who brought in his/her cat who also had kidney failure, how the owner couldn't bear to say goodbye and paid for drips and treatments for the cat. They knew the cat's kidneys were shutting down, and it was already not eating nor drinking. It was reduced to skin and bones. The cat lasted another 3 months. The vet said, "This is the most you can do. So you got to decide what to do next." Somehow I felt he was hinting at the dreaded "E" word: EUTHANASIA. I've seen it when I worked at the vet last time, and it's not a nice thing to see. I don't want to think about those things yet.
I am not angry at anyone for Gucci's suffering. I know he's just old and with it comes pain and sickness. But I am very, very angry with the situations that sometimes arise due to schedules and money and all those things. Some people just really don't understand. Every night, I wonder to myself, "Is this finally it? Is this going to be his final struggle and will he pull through or not?" Sometimes I just hold him and cry and cry in my room because there is only so much crying from me other people can take. He sleeps 90% of the day, and yet I still want to be by his side even when he's unaware of his surroundings. I cannot imagine not being able to hold him or smell him anymore, no warm fur and wet nose for me.
***************
I wrote all of the above on 7th April, and for some reason I put my blog post on hold. My last post before this was on the 2nd, and I know I've gone MIA until now, because Gucci has passed away. He seemed better at first after his bout of bloody diarrhea, but then for the following 5 days or so, he slept a lot and he was just terribly lethargic. I didn't even think it might be because of dehydration as a result of his kidney failure. And now I'm sitting here, looking back and wondering if he turned worse again because of me, because I didn't realise he was dehydrated and needed to be put on a drip every other day. It was only one night that I brought him downstairs to let him sniff some grass... He refused to walk, and he just looked so sad and forlorn. And so I carried him home again and for some reason, I burst into tears and told my mum I didn't think he was going to make it. My mum told me to bring him to the vet the next day, which I did. And only then did they tell me he would have to best be put on a drip every other day. After that, I religiously brought him. Each drip cost $30, along with $20 worth of injections, 7% GST and cab fare there and back. I was, at the same time, worried about the cost and how I was going to manage. But it turned out, the vet visits didn't last long. Gucci passed away on the 10th. He fell sick on the 25th of March, and I tried my best to think positive and believe he would recover. But here I am blaming myself and wondering if it was my fault for not detecting his dehydration earlier in that span of 5 days when I thought he was getting better. And now it's all too late.
I would post the pictures I took of him prior to his departure, but I just cannot. I cannot look at them without feeling a tremendous ache in my heart. On the morning of the 10th, I brought him to the vet for his drip once again, and throughout the entire journey there and back, he was shivering. I brought along a towel and wrapped him up and kept rubbing him, trying my best to keep him warm as best as I could. They took his temperature that morning, and it was 36.4. The vet told me that once a dog's temperature drops to below 36, it means they're in grave/terminal condition and it'd be difficult to bring the body temperature back up. The nurse lifted his lip and checked his tongue and gums, and they were very pale. She told me to prepare myself for the worst. I didn't say anything, yet I tried my best to remain positive. I brought him home, got my sister to keep an eye on him and then ran out again to buy him a hot water bottle. He slept with the bottle until night-time, and on that same night, he left me.
My sister was on her way out with her boyfriend then, and as she checked her reflection for the last time in the mirror outside my room door, Gucci was lying on his stomach on the floor. She looked in and said Gucci was looking at her. He already lost his ability to stand at that point in time, but his eyes were open and he was looking at her. He was aware. So she walked in, bent down and kissed him and said goodbye, "be right back", and then she left. I called my boyfriend, asking him when he'd be coming over so he could buy dinner for me 'cos I was home alone with the dog and couldn't leave. He told me to grab a quick one since Gucci was sleeping, so I said, "Okay. I'd see how." But for the first time in my life, procrastinating proved an advantage. Because had I really left to buy dinner and come home, I'd have found Gucci dead on my floor. But I procrastinated, and I turned around and saw Gucci trying to get up. Since he couldn't stand anymore, I hurried to help him. I thought he wanted to pee, so I supported him upright while he did. But then his lower body started going into slight spasms. I thought maybe it might be a result of sleeping too long in the same position, so I started massaging his hind legs and asking him what the problem was and if he was okay. His upper body was splayed on the floor, and his head was also on the floor. And then he pooped with his butt in the air. I held him in position all the while because I didn't want him to fall, but then his spasms didn't stop. I sensed something amiss then, and I turned his body to the side and laid him down. That was when he started gasping for breath, and then in less than 2 minutes, he was still. The time was 8.25pm.
It was just so sudden... He was still eating, even though he needed to be fed with a syringe. The vet told me the time to think of the next step is when he cannot even be bothered to swallow his food. Gucci still did, but he still couldn't hold on. I believe he was holding on for me, because the last few days when he could still walk, he would walk into corners and hide his face deep inside. Sometimes he would hide under the table. And when I gently pulled him out to hold him, I would find tear stains under his eyes. I know my dog, and I've never seen him cry. He was hiding because he didn't want me to see him that way. And that very thought breaks my heart.
Everything seemed like a blur. Even right now, it still does. During his last moments, I knew I wouldn't have had enough time to get a vet to make a house call, and neither would I have had enough time to rush him to a vet in 5 minutes. It was all just too late. I try to take heart in the fact that he didn't struggle long before he left me, but it doesn't change a single thing. He took my sister's kiss as her goodbye, and he stood up to say goodbye to me. I screamed his name over and over again, screamed for him to wake up, for him to come back to me. But he didn't. I was sitting in the stench of his pee and shit and crying my guts out, and yet I also knew he was gone. We used the next couple of hours to clean him up and arrange for cremation services. They didn't do cremation in the night, yet Cynthia and Ugin came over to help me send Gucci to the crematorium because I couldn't bear to see his body slowly becoming hard and stiff in front of me. The only choice I had was to send him there first so they could put him in the cool room/morgue before cremating him in the afternoon. It was raining on our way there. Nothing could have prepared me for saying goodbye to my best friend in the whole wide world. I knew that once I left him there and turned to go home, I would never see him again for the rest of my life. It was the toughest thing I ever had to do, and it was so hard for me. I kissed him, touched him and grabbed his paws and told him to wait for me at the rainbow bridge. I told him it was okay, and that I'd see him soon. I had to be supported out of the place. I didn't seem like myself, I cannot remember myself at that point in time. We drove back home in the rain, in my tears and my screaming for my baby.
I did a private cremation for him but I couldn't bear to witness it, so I didn't. I didn't trust myself to watch them put my baby into the incinerator and open it up again to find him in ashes, without turning into a complete mess on my own. He was cremated along with his vest that spelt "Spoiled Rotten". The person brought him back home to me in his urn at 6plus the following evening. It was equally depressing, because it was also raining then... Ever since I got his urn back, I've been carrying it with me all around the house, along with his other shirt that I kept with me. It might seem crazy, but I still talk to him all the time. I'd like to think that he can hear me. I used to believe in the rainbow bridge and doggy heaven, but ever since his departure, it seems like he's disappeared off the face of this earth. I would NEVER get to see or hold him again, never hear his barks and his panting anymore. I Googled if dogs have souls so I'd see Gucci in Heaven, and I came across this website which said that technically they didn't because God died for Man and not for the animals. However, they ended the article with a little story about an old lady who lost her dog as well. She went crying to her pastor and asked if she'd see her dog in Heaven. And all her pastor said to her was, "I'm sure if you need your little dog to complete your happiness, God will make sure it's done." I do need Gucci to complete my happiness, because Heaven wouldn't be Heaven without him. It really wouldn't. A friend of mine comforted me by saying that maybe there's a lost-and-found counter in Heaven, and when I die, all I have to do is go to the counter and claim Gucci back. She also said that they measure time by eternity in Heaven, so I might spend another 50-60 years here on Earth but to Gucci, maybe it'd just be a day. I'd like to think so very much, but until my time is up here on Earth, I guess I would never find out. If this is what it takes to move on, then I suppose I'd just have to wait. When I die, the first thing I would want to see is Gucci. Every single pore in my being is screaming to hold him again, to hug him and carry him and call him by his name, baby-talking to him and kissing him and telling him we're gonna be okay. That is the only thing I ask from God right now, and nothing else.
They tell me I still have Cookie at the farm, and I know that. I love Cookie, but it is just different. Each individual dog is different, and sad to say Cookie can never replace Gucci in my heart. If this is the pain I have to go through for losing a dog, then I hereby proclaim that I will never have one again (Cookie not included because he wasn't planned). I spoke to a fellow dog-owner about this before, and he said I have the wrong mentality because if I truly love dogs, I'd move on and get another one. I truly do love dogs, and that is the same reason why I don't want another one, because losing Gucci proved too much for me. He was my life. Some say I'm like a newborn baby now, and that I no longer have any restrictions. But you know what, this is what I have to say: Gucci didn't restrict me. I was the one who made the choice to put him above all else, and I was happy doing so. He wasn't my restriction. He was the love of my life. And now the love of my life is gone. I don't know how to explain it, but he was there for me ALL. THE. TIME. He was my first dog, and I loved him to death. Throughout my entire adolescence and into adulthood, he stood by my side. I remember walking him out to run errands with my mum one time, and she bumped into her friend. Her friend asked her, "Your dog?" And my mum said it was mine. She added that Gucci was my treasure, and she's right. My sister would walk him to the school gate and wait for me to finish school, and the first thing I would see is him waiting for me. Every time I had a shitty day, I would come home and he'd be there without fail. No amount of words can describe my pain right now, and it just feels so fucking empty without him. Life as I know it, has changed. Now without Gucci, I have too much time on my hands. Yet, I don't trust myself to get up and go out and find a full-time day job this soon, because I treasure and respect his memory too much to do so this quickly... I'm just not ready. Not ready at all. It just seems wrong to move on so soon, or at all. I'd just gotten so used to him being around, and now everything is 10 times harder. Walking downstairs and looking at the usual spots he used to pee at, the path we always took for his walks and the big field I used to bring him to play with soap bubbles; all these just really makes my heart ache and in my mind's eye, I still can see him running and jumping in that field, still can see him trotting alongside me during our walks. But I cannot literally see or hold him, and that sucks to the core. His playpen no longer stands, and all his bath towels are gone. I boxed up all his things because I couldn't bear to look at them anymore, and my mum threw away his mattress and the mop and pail of water we used to clean his pee. The sponge used to wash his food bowl is also gone... Everything is gone.
It's been a week or so. I still dream about him, but the dreams are vague and fast. When I wake up, I cannot recall them anymore. Maybe because I had so many wonderful times with him, they overlapped so much in my head that it all becomes a blur. I miss him so much......... And I will miss him forever... If there's anything I could do to be able to hold him right now, I would. Images of him lying in my bed looking so lethargic keep flooding my mind and the guilt keeps eating away at me, and I'm having such trouble trying to overcome it. I regret having gone to LA, regret having gone overseas and missed the time I could have spent with him. But all these regrets and all this guilt, it's just too much, too late. And this is also why I tell myself that if I ever meet him again in Heaven, I will never let him go. This is a promise I will remember forever, even when I am old and frail. I know some people do lose their patience with me over this, because I just keep sobbing at night... I don't know how to tell them I feel like a piece of me died along with Gucci. I don't know how to explain to the boyfriend that most times when I cry, it's not because he made me but simply because I effin' miss my dog. The stress of taking care of Gucci and the fear of losing him took its toll, and now people pinch my arms when they see me and ask if I lost weight. I lost 4kg in the span of 2 weeks or so. I've always been trying to lose weight, but never have I wished harder that it was under different circumstances..... I know this is going to be a long-ass process to get over his passing, and I cannot guarantee I will get over it fully. There are just some things you never get over. And I hardly want to talk about this anymore because I'm just too terrified of the pain.
Goodbye, sweet one. You know I loved you while you were mine, and you are still mine, and I still love you. I will love you forever, you can count on that. Rest In Peace, Gucci baby.
When I heard the news, I was pretty darn excited. So excited, I could cry out loud. But as fast as I thought I was staking out for ticket sales, some other people were apparently faster than me! Hence I could only get seats at the side... People are telling me I should be grateful that I even got first-row seats, but it's AVRIL LAVIGNE!!! Please, no speakers blocking my view or I'd die! And yes, I already bought her new album, Goodbye Lullaby too. ;):
In 2008, I met her and shook her hand (waited 7 freakin' years for that!!!!) and this is our picture:
After that picture, I fucking cried. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. And no, I didn't give her those flowers! Looking back, it was so fucking stupid that I bawled but I was just too damn happy okay!!!! As you can see, I dressed up like her on purpose, down to that pink streak in my hair. I think I look kinda weird in that picture though. Maybe it's the bangs and the too-black long hair. Shrugs. This time round, I'd still wear Abbey Dawn but just casual! I own so many of her hoodies but I just hope I won't die of heat stroke since Singapore is so hot.
Cannot wait for 9th May!!! Muahahaha. In the meantime, here's Avril's new hit song, What The Hell!:
Moving on, the boyfriend brought me for steamboat dinner yesterday night! We walked through the stretch of steamboat places in Bugis and finally decided on 天天小厨. The signboard above read "Happy Pay". Haha. I don't know if it's in relation to 天天火锅 but I think it is. It's $16.80 per person, with no hidden costs. If you want to include the BBQ plate, it's $18.80. We picked the BBQ one, and our soup was pork rib soup:
Mememe!:
Honestly I felt that my mum made better soup. =S I don't know why everyone's raving about 天天火锅 because it's kinda overrated, no? Still, I'd always wanted to try it anyway, and I'm glad my first time trying it was with my boyfriend. ^_^ Hated how the oil kept splattering on to my hands, hence I was a little bit clumsy 'cos I was afraid! LOL. My absolute favourite were the scallops. Damn awesome when fried! Thinking about it now makes my mouth water! A loved the crabs, especially more so when he came back from taking more ingredients and then ran back in a hurry. I was like, "Huhhh?" Until he arrived back at the table with a plate full of crab pincers THIS HUGE:
WTH right?!?!!! A looked like he just won the lottery when he got those pincers, hahahaha. He obviously wasted no time in devouring it!:
One for him, one for me!!! The meat was so huge and whole, you could just pull it out of the shell fully intact. Super sweet. Definitely worth going back there just for that, really. Like A said, it makes up for the amount we paid. Because if you were to go to a real seafood restaurant, I bet they'd make you pay way more for JUST crabs. Thank you boyfriend, for bringing me! =)
I thank God that we're both foodies, in the sense that good food makes us happy and we know how to appreciate it. Or even attempt to make good food. Haha. I found these in my pictures folder the other day, forgot to blog about our carbonara attempt quite awhile back!:
TADAAAAAAA:
The verdict? A tad too cheesy, still have room for improvement! ;) And this is the first time A introduced me to Pepper Lunch Express - my salmon pepper rice!:
Call me dumb, but I've never had Pepper Lunch before either. All my favourites inside!! Corn, salmon, pepper! Loved it. And do you know what else I love? The awesome combination of PASTA AND WINE. Which brings us to our 3rd visit to the Wine Connection! Hahaha. This time round I tried pasta with lamb!:
As usual, it was YUMMY. I tell you, the food at Wine Connection is fail-proof, no matter what you order it'd be nice! LOL. And 3 bottles of wine shared among us and friends - here's 2; didn't take a picture of the last one because it was the same bottle we had on our very first visit:
Me and boyfriend:
Seriously if I just keep stuffing my face with food I'd balloon up in no time. LOL. GOT. TO. EXERCISE. Easy to say, so hard to do!! Still, wish me luck! x
*P.S: I'd always wanted to try writing but constantly feared being judged for it (HAHA), but Cozycot gave me that chance one fine day and my boyfriend encouraged me to do it. Hence, I wrote my VERY FIRST article in my entire life! It's under Cozycot "Lifestyle", and the topic is "Stylize Your Home". You can read it HERE. =)
I realised I haven't posted up pictures of a couple of friends I took pictures with, and they're backlogged! Went over to Su-Ann's house a long time back - supposed to drink wine but the plan screwed up. -.- Anyway this is my friend with the tattoo sleeves (and legs and back and butt...) and pixie ears:
And this is Su-Ann's dog, Miko!!!:
She is so fat! LOL. Me and Miko!:
She was bundled up in the comforter like that:
Good life or what! So rolly-polly. =) Also had dinner with Amanda, after so long of not meeting up with her!:
I remember something really funny happened on that day. Just a teeny little pick-me-up I gave myself, that couple of hours I took off from all that stress of taking care of Gucci when he was sick. Oh well, inside joke. HEEHAWWWW.
Hopped around town with Chrishirl a few weeks back. Let me tell you this girl is fucking crazy - worse than me!:
Looking forward to my Batam resort trip with this nutcase. LOL.
Alsoooo, last but not least - the boyfriend! He brought me to ride bumper cars because I wanted to ride them sooooo fucking badly!!! It's my favourite ride of ALL rides. =D Buying tokens!:
2 tokens = $6 = 1 ride:
I had a few minutes of fun with that one, just recklessly driving and not caring, crashing into A's car on purpose and laughing my head off. I think I needed those laughs, after all that happened with Gucci and all. Doesn't cure the pain or the grief, but wouldn't hurt either right?? Too bad Singapore doesn't have permanent bumper car rides 24/7.
Me and A by the carousel, something I'd NEVER take because I cannot stand spinning rides:
If you're wondering, YES, my boyfriend has cut his gorgeous long hair. The hair that made me notice him that fateful day... =( LoL. He recently started an office day job that needed him to look "prim and proper", more office-like. Haha, I think my heart ached as much as his did. But it's okay, 'cos you know why? New hair, new him, fresh start. In other words, I have the new him all to myself, in NO relation to anyone in the PAST anymore. =) Still getting used to the new hair though!!!! Still as handsome... HEHEHE. What I thought was funny was the fact that he asked me, "Will you still love me after I cut my hair?" HAHAHA. My answer was of course, a straight and resounding "YES", durrhhh. How silly. I'd love you no matter what, darling boyfriend. ;)
Last but not least, we dropped by The Wine Connection again! I think I can stop counting how many times we've been there. HA. It's worth going back each and every single time because they have SUCH GOOD FOOD. Camwhoring a little before I left the house, LOL! (My flutter-sleeve dress is from Love Bonito!):
I had crab meat pasta this time round!:
Our wine:
Me and boyfriend:
My wine-stained lips! Aha!!!:
I think I've tried every pasta on their menu now, besides the duck and the squid-ink (yuck). They have different menus at different branches, but my favourite one is at Robertson Quay. Looking forward to the next visit! X)
Just a quick one. I don't have much to blog about because from the time Gucci fell sick and subsequently passed on until now, I haven't really been out of the house. Well, I have been called OUT by a bunch of kids, if that counts. But I'm going to save my breath and just get on with it, because it's not like they haven't wasted enough of my time already - both for something they started, and they're also the same people who're yelling to stop. *rolls eyes*
Forgot to mention I tried out the shatter-nail effect at Milly's on my last visit (quite some time back):
I chose the gold base 'cos they only had black or white shatter-nail polish available at that point in time. Well, I like it. The process is fast and the result is pretty. The perfect option if you're rushing for time (just like me that particular day) yet you still want to look good. =)
Call 8383 5395 for an appointment with Milly's. They're located at Far East Plaza II #03-129 and Bugis Village #3, 4 & 5.
Moving on, I don't wanna talk about Gucci much anymore... If I really want to, I can speak until the cows come home but there are just too many things about him to mention and I don't wanna dig it all up again to upset myself. I don't know if "rest assured" is the correct phrase to use, but yeah, rest assured that I do think about him every single minute of every day. I still cry in the silence of my room, still talk to him like he's there. I've set up a little space on my desk for his urn and a picture frame, and I went to Daiso the other day to buy a simple vase for a stalk of flower that I plan to change every week, as a form of remembering him like I do so everyday in my heart. No fake flowers for me, because fake flowers just reek of "I-cannot-be-bothered". I don't want to go according to flower language when I decide on a new flower each week... If I want to put a blood-red rose, I'd put a blood-red rose. But for this first time, I was thinking of a white gerbera or white lily. Instead of feeling like it's a funeral of sorts, I'd rather take it as pure. Gucci was pure, wasn't he? Because just like all dogs, he loved me purely and unconditionally. I have mixed feelings about all the photos I took of him over the years... Because just as much as they serve as a memory of all the times I had with him, right now it only reminds me painfully that he's gone and he's never coming back. I'm not brave enough to look at his pictures, and I don't know if I ever will get to that stage where I will look at them without bursting into tears and sinking into this dark abyss for the rest of the day. Well, it's been exactly 2 weeks now. On the first week after he passed away, my mum bought incense paper and joss sticks, along with a packet of rawhides and a bowl of water. She made me go downstairs to give up these offerings because the Chinese believe in reincarnation. I refuse to comment on these beliefs but all I can say is, he's gone now. And nothing I do will bring him back, so if my mum thinks I should do this or that, it wouldn't hurt me to go along with it because whether I do or not, he's STILL not gonna come back, you know? Funny how I thought I will eventually forget how he feels like to the touch, how he smells like, etc. But no, I still remember it very clearly like it was yesterday, just as clearly as I remember every second of his last moments. It's a nightmare. Imagine when I die at like 85 or something, and I go up there and ask God after more than 60 years, "I had a dog when I was 12... Is he with you? Can I see him now?" I just know I will ask that of God, because I will NEVER forget Gucci. In fact, like I said before, it's all I want to ask for. My dog. I wanna see him so badly RIGHT NOW, so much so that believing I'd see him at the rainbow bridge when the time comes, serves as little comfort. Yes, I'm still grieving badly. I don't think the grief will ever, EVER go away. But then the sun rises and sets all the same, the moon takes its place and the world keeps spinning. Life doesn't just stop for me because Gucci left. Time doesn't stop. I have to move with it, but it's a constant struggle. When is it ever fair, right? It's never fair.
Just for the record, asking me to get another dog is like an insult. I was struggling so badly to support Gucci previously, and I'm not proud to say he had to compromise on so many things. I will never understand why my parents got him for me when I was 12 and still receiving pocket money from them, but yet they refused to support him for me when I couldn't because I was a kid. We both suffered, but I didn't think he deserved it. I don't think any dog deserves to suffer, and if I am not capable of taking care of another one fully, then I'd rather not take on the responsibility. No more adoptions, no more fostering. Why should I let another dog suffer when Gucci has already suffered enough? It doesn't make sense. I'd stick to hanging out with my friends' dogs, thank you very much. For one thing, there's less heartache to deal with. And for another, I'm not THAT stupid to get another dog and let my family throw the responsibilities to me a second time round. I feel so angry at everything just thinking about it. And there you go, another reason why I don't wanna talk about Gucci anymore.
Will blog again I-don't-know-when. I'd be seeing Avril Lavigne up-close and personal in.......... 15 days. So maybe till then?
Almost 2 weeks. 13 days. 312 hours. How many vet visits has it been again? I cannot remember. People say there's a time for everything. Somehow they left out the part that "everything" includes death. There is a time for death, and I know, when the death monster comes to claim my furkid, there is nothing I can do. I am not stupid, you know. I know a lot of things that people tell me. They tell me I have to be strong, that death is everywhere and it happens all the time. They tell me Gucci will be sad if he senses I am sad, and that I have to be positive for him. You see, I don't need to remember these things that people tell me because I know them in the first place. But that doesn't make it any easier, does it. No it doesn't. It doesn't make it easy that I am a stubborn one, and it doesn't make losing him any better. How can losing my dog be good??
That day, the vet told me Gucci is lucky to have me. It's not the first time I've heard something like that, but I know I'm even luckier to have him. EVERY SINGLE FRIEND of mine out there knows how much I love dogs in general, and it is no surprise that I would love my own, way more. Funny how he used to belong to someone else who promised to love him forever but yet she didn't manage to keep her promise, and me? I only paid $100 and that was it, I could call him my very own for 12 years and more. And never have I regretted a single second of it. Sometimes I think of how my life would be if I hadn't bought Gucci. Because we're both so attached to each other, there are so many things I cannot do. I cannot stay out late and if I do, I make sure I tend to him first. I cannot take long holidays. I cannot try out for SQ. I cannot do a lot of things. And then I think of the times he made me laugh, and it all seems worth it.
This was taken a few days after his bout of bloody diarrhea, when he was waiting by the table while my mum and grandma ate their dinner:
I thought he seemed fine already, and that familiar bright-eyed look was almost coming back to him. But I don't know why, now he's deteriorated once more. He dehydrates very fast, and the water hump that the vet gives him dissolves so rapidly. I feed him every 4 hours, and syringe water for him every hour. Even in the dead of the night, I wake up and fetch him to the toilet and syringe even more water for him. I'm just so scared he'd dehydrate to death. It's like his kidneys are trying to say they cannot hold on much longer. I cannot remember the last time I slept properly without waking up every other hour, my head is heavy all the time yet I can't sleep. Yesterday, I perspired so much cold sweat in my sleep that I drenched my shirt. Reason unknown. I just brought Gucci to the vet again this morning for a drip, and the vet told me, "Sometimes when they're old, you gotta understand you can't help much. He's not responding to the treatments as much as I would have liked. You got to mentally prepare yourself for these things." And then he proceeded to tell me about someone who brought in his/her cat who also had kidney failure, how the owner couldn't bear to say goodbye and paid for drips and treatments for the cat. They knew the cat's kidneys were shutting down, and it was already not eating nor drinking. It was reduced to skin and bones. The cat lasted another 3 months. The vet said, "This is the most you can do. So you got to decide what to do next." Somehow I felt he was hinting at the dreaded "E" word: EUTHANASIA. I've seen it when I worked at the vet last time, and it's not a nice thing to see. I don't want to think about those things yet.
I am not angry at anyone for Gucci's suffering. I know he's just old and with it comes pain and sickness. But I am very, very angry with the situations that sometimes arise due to schedules and money and all those things. Some people just really don't understand. Every night, I wonder to myself, "Is this finally it? Is this going to be his final struggle and will he pull through or not?" Sometimes I just hold him and cry and cry in my room because there is only so much crying from me other people can take. He sleeps 90% of the day, and yet I still want to be by his side even when he's unaware of his surroundings. I cannot imagine not being able to hold him or smell him anymore, no warm fur and wet nose for me.
***************
I wrote all of the above on 7th April, and for some reason I put my blog post on hold. My last post before this was on the 2nd, and I know I've gone MIA until now, because Gucci has passed away. He seemed better at first after his bout of bloody diarrhea, but then for the following 5 days or so, he slept a lot and he was just terribly lethargic. I didn't even think it might be because of dehydration as a result of his kidney failure. And now I'm sitting here, looking back and wondering if he turned worse again because of me, because I didn't realise he was dehydrated and needed to be put on a drip every other day. It was only one night that I brought him downstairs to let him sniff some grass... He refused to walk, and he just looked so sad and forlorn. And so I carried him home again and for some reason, I burst into tears and told my mum I didn't think he was going to make it. My mum told me to bring him to the vet the next day, which I did. And only then did they tell me he would have to best be put on a drip every other day. After that, I religiously brought him. Each drip cost $30, along with $20 worth of injections, 7% GST and cab fare there and back. I was, at the same time, worried about the cost and how I was going to manage. But it turned out, the vet visits didn't last long. Gucci passed away on the 10th. He fell sick on the 25th of March, and I tried my best to think positive and believe he would recover. But here I am blaming myself and wondering if it was my fault for not detecting his dehydration earlier in that span of 5 days when I thought he was getting better. And now it's all too late.
I would post the pictures I took of him prior to his departure, but I just cannot. I cannot look at them without feeling a tremendous ache in my heart. On the morning of the 10th, I brought him to the vet for his drip once again, and throughout the entire journey there and back, he was shivering. I brought along a towel and wrapped him up and kept rubbing him, trying my best to keep him warm as best as I could. They took his temperature that morning, and it was 36.4. The vet told me that once a dog's temperature drops to below 36, it means they're in grave/terminal condition and it'd be difficult to bring the body temperature back up. The nurse lifted his lip and checked his tongue and gums, and they were very pale. She told me to prepare myself for the worst. I didn't say anything, yet I tried my best to remain positive. I brought him home, got my sister to keep an eye on him and then ran out again to buy him a hot water bottle. He slept with the bottle until night-time, and on that same night, he left me.
My sister was on her way out with her boyfriend then, and as she checked her reflection for the last time in the mirror outside my room door, Gucci was lying on his stomach on the floor. She looked in and said Gucci was looking at her. He already lost his ability to stand at that point in time, but his eyes were open and he was looking at her. He was aware. So she walked in, bent down and kissed him and said goodbye, "be right back", and then she left. I called my boyfriend, asking him when he'd be coming over so he could buy dinner for me 'cos I was home alone with the dog and couldn't leave. He told me to grab a quick one since Gucci was sleeping, so I said, "Okay. I'd see how." But for the first time in my life, procrastinating proved an advantage. Because had I really left to buy dinner and come home, I'd have found Gucci dead on my floor. But I procrastinated, and I turned around and saw Gucci trying to get up. Since he couldn't stand anymore, I hurried to help him. I thought he wanted to pee, so I supported him upright while he did. But then his lower body started going into slight spasms. I thought maybe it might be a result of sleeping too long in the same position, so I started massaging his hind legs and asking him what the problem was and if he was okay. His upper body was splayed on the floor, and his head was also on the floor. And then he pooped with his butt in the air. I held him in position all the while because I didn't want him to fall, but then his spasms didn't stop. I sensed something amiss then, and I turned his body to the side and laid him down. That was when he started gasping for breath, and then in less than 2 minutes, he was still. The time was 8.25pm.
It was just so sudden... He was still eating, even though he needed to be fed with a syringe. The vet told me the time to think of the next step is when he cannot even be bothered to swallow his food. Gucci still did, but he still couldn't hold on. I believe he was holding on for me, because the last few days when he could still walk, he would walk into corners and hide his face deep inside. Sometimes he would hide under the table. And when I gently pulled him out to hold him, I would find tear stains under his eyes. I know my dog, and I've never seen him cry. He was hiding because he didn't want me to see him that way. And that very thought breaks my heart.
Everything seemed like a blur. Even right now, it still does. During his last moments, I knew I wouldn't have had enough time to get a vet to make a house call, and neither would I have had enough time to rush him to a vet in 5 minutes. It was all just too late. I try to take heart in the fact that he didn't struggle long before he left me, but it doesn't change a single thing. He took my sister's kiss as her goodbye, and he stood up to say goodbye to me. I screamed his name over and over again, screamed for him to wake up, for him to come back to me. But he didn't. I was sitting in the stench of his pee and shit and crying my guts out, and yet I also knew he was gone. We used the next couple of hours to clean him up and arrange for cremation services. They didn't do cremation in the night, yet Cynthia and Ugin came over to help me send Gucci to the crematorium because I couldn't bear to see his body slowly becoming hard and stiff in front of me. The only choice I had was to send him there first so they could put him in the cool room/morgue before cremating him in the afternoon. It was raining on our way there. Nothing could have prepared me for saying goodbye to my best friend in the whole wide world. I knew that once I left him there and turned to go home, I would never see him again for the rest of my life. It was the toughest thing I ever had to do, and it was so hard for me. I kissed him, touched him and grabbed his paws and told him to wait for me at the rainbow bridge. I told him it was okay, and that I'd see him soon. I had to be supported out of the place. I didn't seem like myself, I cannot remember myself at that point in time. We drove back home in the rain, in my tears and my screaming for my baby.
I did a private cremation for him but I couldn't bear to witness it, so I didn't. I didn't trust myself to watch them put my baby into the incinerator and open it up again to find him in ashes, without turning into a complete mess on my own. He was cremated along with his vest that spelt "Spoiled Rotten". The person brought him back home to me in his urn at 6plus the following evening. It was equally depressing, because it was also raining then... Ever since I got his urn back, I've been carrying it with me all around the house, along with his other shirt that I kept with me. It might seem crazy, but I still talk to him all the time. I'd like to think that he can hear me. I used to believe in the rainbow bridge and doggy heaven, but ever since his departure, it seems like he's disappeared off the face of this earth. I would NEVER get to see or hold him again, never hear his barks and his panting anymore. I Googled if dogs have souls so I'd see Gucci in Heaven, and I came across this website which said that technically they didn't because God died for Man and not for the animals. However, they ended the article with a little story about an old lady who lost her dog as well. She went crying to her pastor and asked if she'd see her dog in Heaven. And all her pastor said to her was, "I'm sure if you need your little dog to complete your happiness, God will make sure it's done." I do need Gucci to complete my happiness, because Heaven wouldn't be Heaven without him. It really wouldn't. A friend of mine comforted me by saying that maybe there's a lost-and-found counter in Heaven, and when I die, all I have to do is go to the counter and claim Gucci back. She also said that they measure time by eternity in Heaven, so I might spend another 50-60 years here on Earth but to Gucci, maybe it'd just be a day. I'd like to think so very much, but until my time is up here on Earth, I guess I would never find out. If this is what it takes to move on, then I suppose I'd just have to wait. When I die, the first thing I would want to see is Gucci. Every single pore in my being is screaming to hold him again, to hug him and carry him and call him by his name, baby-talking to him and kissing him and telling him we're gonna be okay. That is the only thing I ask from God right now, and nothing else.
They tell me I still have Cookie at the farm, and I know that. I love Cookie, but it is just different. Each individual dog is different, and sad to say Cookie can never replace Gucci in my heart. If this is the pain I have to go through for losing a dog, then I hereby proclaim that I will never have one again (Cookie not included because he wasn't planned). I spoke to a fellow dog-owner about this before, and he said I have the wrong mentality because if I truly love dogs, I'd move on and get another one. I truly do love dogs, and that is the same reason why I don't want another one, because losing Gucci proved too much for me. He was my life. Some say I'm like a newborn baby now, and that I no longer have any restrictions. But you know what, this is what I have to say: Gucci didn't restrict me. I was the one who made the choice to put him above all else, and I was happy doing so. He wasn't my restriction. He was the love of my life. And now the love of my life is gone. I don't know how to explain it, but he was there for me ALL. THE. TIME. He was my first dog, and I loved him to death. Throughout my entire adolescence and into adulthood, he stood by my side. I remember walking him out to run errands with my mum one time, and she bumped into her friend. Her friend asked her, "Your dog?" And my mum said it was mine. She added that Gucci was my treasure, and she's right. My sister would walk him to the school gate and wait for me to finish school, and the first thing I would see is him waiting for me. Every time I had a shitty day, I would come home and he'd be there without fail. No amount of words can describe my pain right now, and it just feels so fucking empty without him. Life as I know it, has changed. Now without Gucci, I have too much time on my hands. Yet, I don't trust myself to get up and go out and find a full-time day job this soon, because I treasure and respect his memory too much to do so this quickly... I'm just not ready. Not ready at all. It just seems wrong to move on so soon, or at all. I'd just gotten so used to him being around, and now everything is 10 times harder. Walking downstairs and looking at the usual spots he used to pee at, the path we always took for his walks and the big field I used to bring him to play with soap bubbles; all these just really makes my heart ache and in my mind's eye, I still can see him running and jumping in that field, still can see him trotting alongside me during our walks. But I cannot literally see or hold him, and that sucks to the core. His playpen no longer stands, and all his bath towels are gone. I boxed up all his things because I couldn't bear to look at them anymore, and my mum threw away his mattress and the mop and pail of water we used to clean his pee. The sponge used to wash his food bowl is also gone... Everything is gone.
It's been a week or so. I still dream about him, but the dreams are vague and fast. When I wake up, I cannot recall them anymore. Maybe because I had so many wonderful times with him, they overlapped so much in my head that it all becomes a blur. I miss him so much......... And I will miss him forever... If there's anything I could do to be able to hold him right now, I would. Images of him lying in my bed looking so lethargic keep flooding my mind and the guilt keeps eating away at me, and I'm having such trouble trying to overcome it. I regret having gone to LA, regret having gone overseas and missed the time I could have spent with him. But all these regrets and all this guilt, it's just too much, too late. And this is also why I tell myself that if I ever meet him again in Heaven, I will never let him go. This is a promise I will remember forever, even when I am old and frail. I know some people do lose their patience with me over this, because I just keep sobbing at night... I don't know how to tell them I feel like a piece of me died along with Gucci. I don't know how to explain to the boyfriend that most times when I cry, it's not because he made me but simply because I effin' miss my dog. The stress of taking care of Gucci and the fear of losing him took its toll, and now people pinch my arms when they see me and ask if I lost weight. I lost 4kg in the span of 2 weeks or so. I've always been trying to lose weight, but never have I wished harder that it was under different circumstances..... I know this is going to be a long-ass process to get over his passing, and I cannot guarantee I will get over it fully. There are just some things you never get over. And I hardly want to talk about this anymore because I'm just too terrified of the pain.
Goodbye, sweet one. You know I loved you while you were mine, and you are still mine, and I still love you. I will love you forever, you can count on that. Rest In Peace, Gucci baby.
When I heard the news, I was pretty darn excited. So excited, I could cry out loud. But as fast as I thought I was staking out for ticket sales, some other people were apparently faster than me! Hence I could only get seats at the side... People are telling me I should be grateful that I even got first-row seats, but it's AVRIL LAVIGNE!!! Please, no speakers blocking my view or I'd die! And yes, I already bought her new album, Goodbye Lullaby too. ;):
In 2008, I met her and shook her hand (waited 7 freakin' years for that!!!!) and this is our picture:
After that picture, I fucking cried. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA. And no, I didn't give her those flowers! Looking back, it was so fucking stupid that I bawled but I was just too damn happy okay!!!! As you can see, I dressed up like her on purpose, down to that pink streak in my hair. I think I look kinda weird in that picture though. Maybe it's the bangs and the too-black long hair. Shrugs. This time round, I'd still wear Abbey Dawn but just casual! I own so many of her hoodies but I just hope I won't die of heat stroke since Singapore is so hot.
Cannot wait for 9th May!!! Muahahaha. In the meantime, here's Avril's new hit song, What The Hell!:
Moving on, the boyfriend brought me for steamboat dinner yesterday night! We walked through the stretch of steamboat places in Bugis and finally decided on 天天小厨. The signboard above read "Happy Pay". Haha. I don't know if it's in relation to 天天火锅 but I think it is. It's $16.80 per person, with no hidden costs. If you want to include the BBQ plate, it's $18.80. We picked the BBQ one, and our soup was pork rib soup:
Mememe!:
Honestly I felt that my mum made better soup. =S I don't know why everyone's raving about 天天火锅 because it's kinda overrated, no? Still, I'd always wanted to try it anyway, and I'm glad my first time trying it was with my boyfriend. ^_^ Hated how the oil kept splattering on to my hands, hence I was a little bit clumsy 'cos I was afraid! LOL. My absolute favourite were the scallops. Damn awesome when fried! Thinking about it now makes my mouth water! A loved the crabs, especially more so when he came back from taking more ingredients and then ran back in a hurry. I was like, "Huhhh?" Until he arrived back at the table with a plate full of crab pincers THIS HUGE:
WTH right?!?!!! A looked like he just won the lottery when he got those pincers, hahahaha. He obviously wasted no time in devouring it!:
One for him, one for me!!! The meat was so huge and whole, you could just pull it out of the shell fully intact. Super sweet. Definitely worth going back there just for that, really. Like A said, it makes up for the amount we paid. Because if you were to go to a real seafood restaurant, I bet they'd make you pay way more for JUST crabs. Thank you boyfriend, for bringing me! =)
I thank God that we're both foodies, in the sense that good food makes us happy and we know how to appreciate it. Or even attempt to make good food. Haha. I found these in my pictures folder the other day, forgot to blog about our carbonara attempt quite awhile back!:
TADAAAAAAA:
The verdict? A tad too cheesy, still have room for improvement! ;) And this is the first time A introduced me to Pepper Lunch Express - my salmon pepper rice!:
Call me dumb, but I've never had Pepper Lunch before either. All my favourites inside!! Corn, salmon, pepper! Loved it. And do you know what else I love? The awesome combination of PASTA AND WINE. Which brings us to our 3rd visit to the Wine Connection! Hahaha. This time round I tried pasta with lamb!:
As usual, it was YUMMY. I tell you, the food at Wine Connection is fail-proof, no matter what you order it'd be nice! LOL. And 3 bottles of wine shared among us and friends - here's 2; didn't take a picture of the last one because it was the same bottle we had on our very first visit:
Me and boyfriend:
Seriously if I just keep stuffing my face with food I'd balloon up in no time. LOL. GOT. TO. EXERCISE. Easy to say, so hard to do!! Still, wish me luck! x
*P.S: I'd always wanted to try writing but constantly feared being judged for it (HAHA), but Cozycot gave me that chance one fine day and my boyfriend encouraged me to do it. Hence, I wrote my VERY FIRST article in my entire life! It's under Cozycot "Lifestyle", and the topic is "Stylize Your Home". You can read it HERE. =)
